Woman on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown





And yeah, that would be me. Which is why: I haven't been here lately; I've had two panic attacks in as many weeks; I've spent the better part of this weekend burning my eyes out looking at lighting websites; my back is killing me (okay, Miss Z probably gets some credit for that too); I'm not sleeping well; the house we occupy is even more drunken and disorderly than usual.


Ah, how the mighty have fallen. I was so on a roll with New House. I was making decisions right and left. I was on fire. Then it came time to choose lighting fixtures and I've buckled like a cardboard box in a hurricane.


I think that I am way over thinking this. I was trying to describe it to The Mr. last night (who, bless his heart, tried to look interested and comprehending). It goes something like this: I've been pouring over and clipping photos from shelter magazines for months to ready myself for these decisions. I'm trying to solve for: the house itself and the style that's inherent in the architecture; my preferences as they fit in with said house; The Mr.'s preferences and weird quirks as they relate to the house itself; what we can actually find in the time frame we're working in; and ultimately really, who we are collectively. But what creeps into all of this is something else--some sort of "should" that muddles my thinking. We should be cooler than we are. We should be fancier than we are. It's what leads someone who really like a very ordinary tap to pony up for something much chicer or hipper--and usually more expensive--really to keep up with the imaginary Joneses in their heads (disclaimer--we know two lovely Jones families IRL and I'm not talking about them). It sounds stupid, but it's there. I think the shelter magazines--for all their ideas and inspiration--are partly to blame. It's a bit like a teenage girl looking at Vogue. She's a perfectly wonderful teenage girl who looks fresh and great and cute. But then she looks at Vogue and starts the "I'm not thin enough, chic enough, blah blah blah enough and I should do something about it" (anorexia, shopping, plastic surgery).

So perhaps the above rant is the punchline to "when is a lighting fixture not just a lighting fixture?"

House

Here's the latest:

* Paint colors--for those who asked, I'll try and get down the actual names/numbers in case you want to check them out. I'm going by memory right now. The pale blue for the master bedroom and Miss Z's room is Constellation (AF-450 I think). It's the dreamiest, most relaxing hue I think I've ever seen. Walking into it I feel like I've just done an hour of yoga.

The chocolate brown in the dining room is also an AF color (all of these are Benjamin Moore--the AF designation means the color is from their new Affinity line which they used to launch their Aura paint--the low-VOS/low-odor stuff that's better for you). Anyway, I don't have the number but the name is Kona.

I got the color for my basement studio nailed down--also AF it's called Fondant, a really nice pale pink (I enjoy being a girl). And the guest room will be Peau de Soie (AF).

I'm working on the kitchen color right now--the original idea of a brightish yellow isn't sitting right, so I'm thinking something more along the lines of a cream w/ some yellow hint to it. Lychee might work.

* Tile is still going in. Basement bathroom is done, the kids bathroom is getting there. Tomorrow I'm going to select the stone for the Mr.'s boom boom room counter tops and for the counter in the wine/cat room. Also needing to be determined asap is the surround for both fireplaces.

* Landscaping should start soon. How is it in my family--my mom is a master organic gardener and my brother an acclaimed landscape architect--I didn't get a green thumb? I have no clue as to what I'm doing in that area and the Mr. has even less. But we need to get an opinion soon.

* Cabinets are going in, and the shelving, desks, wainscoting. There's a lot of all that stuff.

* The Mr. is not convinced that we'll be ready to move in June. I am cheerfully not hyperventilating about it.

House

Latest update, for those concerned (or interested, or midly interested).

* Paint colors are coming along. The Mr. said today "gee, there's a lot to do with paint colors, huh?" To which I replied "would you like the job?"

The dining room is sporting a dark chocolate brown (Benjamin Moore Affinity collection "Kona") which we'll go with. The day-glo aqua just wasn't doing it for me in Miss Z's room, so I decided to put the blue in there we're using in our bedroom (I'll look up the color name and get back to you--but it's another Affinity color. They're gorgeous). I think a pale blue in there will be charming and, very important, soothing.

Still working on a color for the guest room. If you think you might someday be a guest, chez Poppy, then log on and cast a vote. I got nuthin' so far.

* Tile flooring is almost done in the basement and looks great. Tile is going on in the bathrooms. I'm having a very low-level freak out about the countertops I chose for the basement bath and the kids' bath, but it will probably all be fine when it comes together.

* Landscaping is supposed to start in two weeks. Oy. I know nothing about gardening. I need to get an opinion soon.

* I chose the pavers for the driveway yesterday--McNear "cobblestone" in charcoal/grey. Hope they look alright once they're in.

That's it. A bit dull, but what the heck.

House

So Poppy, how are things going with the new house? (you may or may not be asking). Here's the status report:

* I am knee deep in paint colors. I love and hate this part of things. I wish I had a little more time to focus on it, because I do actually enjoy it. It's especially nice to hit it out of the park right off the bat--we found the perfect pale blue for the master bedroom. Ethereal, soothing, sophisticated. I let the X-Man choose his own paint colors. If you guessed something with orange, you're a winner. I have been trying to work from the new line of Benjamin Moore colors--low-odor, all the colors coordinate with each other (the Affinity collection of Aura paints). And no, I don't get a kickback for that there product placement. Anyway, I showed X the fan deck and he chose the orangest orange on there and a medium blue. And he got it right the first time--they're great colors and great together. His inspiration (clipped from Metropolitain Home) is a Todd Oldham room with very bright colors, a funky lamp, and a painting that reads Hotties 125 (X is pre-literate). So a chair rail for him with orange on the bottom and blue up to the ceiling. Miss Z's room is the one I'm agonizing over. It's a fairly bright aqua right now. Part of me wants to do over and tone down. And the other part of me knows that things like this actually work out. I don't have some grand plan for her room--I am trying to avoid that pink & lavendar, cottage, princess, shabby chic look (no offense to anyone). I'd like to go more boho and funky for her.

The trickiest color so far is what to do all the hallways and extra spaces in. I'm going down today to look at a green-blue-grey we chose to see how that's coming.

And we're going to try a chocolate brown for the dining room, with a blue-teal for the living room. I'll keep you posted on that.

* Tile is starting to go in. Woohoo.

* Cabinets are going in. The pantry is ginormous--making up for the seven years I've spent in hobbit pantry hell here.

* Driveway is going in soon. The brick patio in back and railing are done. The exterior is painted.

* Hardwood floors are in.

Not really a witty and scintillating post, but figured I'd do the update for any interested parties.

I'm Back

So I sort of disappeared again--not from my actual life, but from the blog. What's doin'? Lots of house stuff. The new house is now sheet rocked--I had no idea what a big milestone that was (I actually had no idea what it actually was since the only house we've ever had is this old lathe & plaster one). But whenever I would utter the words "sheet rock" to anyone, they would moan or ooh appreciatively like it was a big deal. So, anyway, sheet rock. Trim is starting to go up. The stones on the chimneys are on (or were almost complete last time I checked). All the bathroom tiles have been chosen--by me, in two 2.5 hour marathon tile & stone sessions. Which I actually really enjoyed and seemed to handle well. And then I would lie in bed at night trying not to hyperventilate thinking that I may have chosen the "wrong" things. Which implies that there is one actual "right" thing to choose--which I don't believe at all. But that belief doesn't stop me from stressing.

We've also been dealing with the school thing for X-Man. It's over now--the weirdly stressful & consuming admissions process--and we're just waiting for word from our top choice school (private). If that doesn't work out, our fall back position is the public school in our new neighborhood. We toured it a few weeks ago and it impressed us tremendously.

I had a strange series of dealings with our bottom choice school that culminated in me asking them to shred X's file and take us off their candidate list. I've come to believe that it's best to pay close attention during the admissions process. Each school we dealt with handled it slightly (or very) differently. I'm pretty sure it gives a preview of coming attractions. And the Mr. and I decided we weren't really that keen to have a long-term relationship with a school that couldn't make a tiny effort to accommodate our family's schedule (although the school expected us to adhere to its rather difficult scheduling process). We weren't crazy about the assessment process for X--taking him off to the library with an adult he'd never met before and asking him to perform undisclosed tasks. When I asked someone in admissions how they could get an adequate sense of my son if he wouldn't talk to them (a distinct possibility--and I think my actual words were "because Homey don't play that game") the reply was "well, my daughter's shy and she did just fine." Listen, we're not talking about your daughter (and um, last I checked you work at the school so isn't there some kind of break for your kid?), we're talking about my son. Who isn't shy. Who is, rather, profoundly , unbelievably stubborn and who has determined he will not talk in some situations, and not even Jack Bauer could make him.

The final straw came when they cancelled our appointment for the parent interview a mere 45 minutes before it was about to start. I had already performed some childcare acrobatics so I could make the appointment without resorting to leaving the children home alone with the cats (who are pretty competent as cats go, but you know). And the Mr. was already on his way down from SF and had about three places he could actually have been to keep the world safe for capitalism. And then the final, final straw--when the lady in admissions called and left me a message to reschedule SHE DIDN'T EVEN APOLOGIZE. Enough genuflecting for these people. We do not want to know your secret handshake and we do not want to join your club.

In Another Life


Aren't these pretty?
http://www.annsacks.com/onlinecatalog/program.jsp?cat=272104&coll=279004&prg=1365904
Especially the mosaic of birds and vines. I tried to put them in here as a photo but I am seriously computer-impaired. It's a wonder I even have a blog. So you'll have to jump on the link to see.

Where you won't see them is in the new house. There is no place where they obviously fit. But they are just so great--any takers? Then I can come visit you and oooh and ahhh over them?